Today, I almost got my visa application rejected. “Almost” because I needed to come back to the embassy because of a problem in my document.
I really felt so disappointed that before I could even stop it, my thoughts started to bring back all those ‘rejection’ memories I experienced in the past.
Then, I stopped and realised that after getting through it all, I’m still fine and actually doing a lot better than imagined.
Rejection happens in different aspects of our lives: in our careers, love life, business, schools, family, friends, etc… But one thing is for sure, it is feared by many (if not all).
That feeling of hopelessness plus the emptiness that you no longer find meaning in your aspirations in life are one of the many after effects of rejection. Good news is – it is only temporary. You, as a natural survivor, will eventually learn to pick yourself up and move on. The difference is how long it takes all of us to get back on track after a fall.
When dealing with rejection so many voices start popping in our heads. Most of them doesn’t really help us understand the deeper meaning behind it. We must be aware as to which of these voices are the limiting beliefs that must be ignored and which of these serve as a wake up call and food for our growth.
The best thing to do is to avoid self hate, give yourself a break and ask these questions:
Why is rejection painful?
It is part of our human existence to feel pain. Imagine if everyone you know has never felt rejected. The best way to value happiness and to work hard for it is through the failures that we experience in life.
When we feel the pain, we are reminded of our past failures. It adds salt to our wounds. It simply magnifies the bad situation and changes it to your worst pain ever (Remember your heartbroken days when you thought you’ll die of heartache?).
Do not take it too personally as there are many other factors as to why it occurred. We need to look at the things that we can change and work on it. If it’s beyond our control, don’t stress ourselves and give a healthy self-assessment with this next question.
Why was I rejected?
If you were aiming to get a job but didn’t get accepted, perhaps you were not qualified and needed to improve your skills to match their requirement. If someone you admire doesn’t like you back, maybe you both have different views and you should rather find someone that can be a better match for you.
Just as what most people would say, “If it doesn’t open, it’s not your door.” There’s no point pushing something that is clearly not for you. But understand that even if you didn’t achieve your goal now, doesn’t mean that you won’t get it tomorrow or the next. You’ll just have to work harder and find alternative means to achieve it.
How can this help me to grow?
Rejection pushes us to explore and look at different angles that can help us improve. The best part is, it pushes us to evaluate ourselves, oftentimes we discover qualities in ourselves that soon becomes the key to our success. We work even harder, we become even more patient, and we become more creative. All of these happens because the pain that we experience has switched on the greater potential in ourselves that we never thought we have.
Best of all…we learn to be humble. When you meet successful people, you’ll learn how overcoming their obstacles changed them. Their failures remind them that they are humans just like everyone else.
The famous J.K Rowling, who has written Harry Potter which was rejected by 12 publishing houses before its success, shared in her commencement speech in 2011: “Failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.”
If you want to get to know real success, ask a person how they rise up from rejection. Rejection is not failure, but giving up to try again becomes one. If we fear too much to get rejected, then maybe our goals are not high enough. It shall remain as dreams or part of our ‘what-ifs’ list in life.
So, go on don’t let the fear of getting mud on your toes stop you from discovering the rain outside. Get to know how to turn that rejection as your friend, and let it remind you how to pick yourself up after a fall.
Photo by burak kostak from Pexels